Whelp, I think it’s been long enough since I last wrote!

Spring will be arriving (eventually…) here in the northwest, and with it I feel the urge to come out of hibernation and to refocus on my writing. Yay. It’s been over a year since I moved to Montana, and longer since I wrote on this blog. Yikes. I have certainly been deep in my writer’s hiatus.  This blog initially started out as a travel blog and then morphed into something less personal when the traveling ceased. Though my travels and adventures abroad have been the highlight of much inspiration, I want to practice writing in the present, and share stories of the muses found in everyday life. So, this blog is once again taking on a new direction, another bend in the road! My writing will reflect on my outdoor adventures amongst the mountains and rivers around me, with my dogs and friends in tow, filled with recipes and pictures of things I love to make, hopefully, all stories you, my little audience will find amusing to read. On that note, here's part of the story of why I am here in Montana.

Last winter when I pack up my life and two dogs, and drove to Montana, I was on a mission to fulfill a dream of mine. Since I can remember, the wild woman in me has dreamt of living in solitude, in a cabin (or above a barn in this case), tucked in the mountains somewhere serene, covered in a snowy winter, all bundled up with my dogs in front of a fireplace. 

 

Thanks to perfect timing and a gracious friend, who coincidentally has "this place" in Montana, I was able to live out this dream of mine. It is in “this place” where I spent a couple months in, I guess, what many would call a retreat.  It was here that my goals were to intentionally give myself the time to read the pile of books I've put aside, purposefully journal, practice my yoga, walk my dogs, horse-back ride, and just learn to sit and be still. I found myself once more day-dreaming and being okay with it. I taught myself to actually make time each day to stop moving from task to task and try to become a little bit more self-aware. Every day was baby steps in the direction I wanted. I wanted to live in an environment where I could push aside the minutia and live simply with intention. For me, this meant I had to somewhat isolated myself in effort to start living how I wanted. Coming from a fast moving, ever busy, competitive and consuming southern California society, I was going against the grain by moving out to a ranch in a Montana winter. Many people didn't understand why I was moving (I didn't have a job waiting for me) or that I would last longer than 2 weeks. I am hoping they are pleasantly surprised to see that I'm still here and happy.

 

Even though this was a personal goal of mine which I finally took the time to fulfill, it didn't make it easy. All the chaos I had in California, I still carried with me into Montana. Feelings of impatience, anxiousness, worrying about my future and lack of career, accompanied by my competitive nature and pressure from family and friends to find success was constantly feeling like an internal battle.  It was my instinct that kept directing me to not focus on those feelings of insecurity, but to be quiet, stop worrying so much and take the time to reflect on why my life wasn't going as I wanted.   In some ways, I was cleaning out my closest of personal baggage, addressing the crap I didn’t want in my life anymore and finally letting it go. 

 

It was really boring and lonely at times. I remember when I first got there, unpacked and settled in, I thought, “okay, I’m ready. I’m alone, safe and comfortable, I have everything I need…so this is a retreat...this sucks." Where was the lightening bolt of self-awareness and insight on what I should do with my life? Why was I still feeling anxious? Oh--because retreats aren't easy. Quieting your mind and learning to be alone is hard. Self-reflection sucks, because you find truths that sometimes hurt. So there's that. In spurts of feeling esoteric, I would open my arms and ask the universe for growth and wisdom and peace. Ah yes, the universe will deliver.  But I forgot to ask the universe to make it less painful, and the meaning in the words growing-pains proved true.

 

I put myself in a place where I could shut out the world for a little while. No Internet, no TV, no easy immediate stimulation to distract me from the present. And, I am so glad I did! I highly recommend it. In all, I was very blessed to have that opportunity and am grateful that I went for it.

Of course, sooner or later retreats have to end. But hopefully you walk back into this crazy chaotic world feeling a little bit more sure-footed and at peace with your journey. Mine ended with spring's arrival and a surprising beginning of something wonderful.

Here's to many more bends in the road, and places where good stories come from.